the end of evil

Every person should go read Sarah’s Ted Bundy piece, right now. She and I spent days over Christmas discussing it and dog sledding, Stevie Nicks, Titanic, astrology, our/human shadow selves, attachment theory, toxic masculinity, patriarchy, and she made me watch (finally, finally) The Godfather Pt, I and II, which I’m still collecting my thoughts on… it’s currently at 8000 words and still growing.

This is the first year I have accepted in my bones that I’m an Oregonian. Sarah is a native Oregonian, from Sauvie Island. She’s (and many friends, tbh) made it easier for me to understand and accept what it can mean to be an Oregonian. In fact, while I’ve always been fortunate to have many friends, and move easily socially, especially when I was younger and desired to, I know in many ways I have the friendships of my life here. Which has been surprisingly wonderful to discover in the last couple of years, since I spent a decade head down, ceaselessly working and caregiving, and without being a very attentive friend.

My standoff with Oregon has been due to the greater tide of Portland culture. I generally find it precious, hypocritical, malignantly white and myopic, touting of phoned-in, barely considered knee-jerk liberalism, thriving on sophomoric judginess and gossip. It generally looks emotionally immature to me. A bit silly. In larger cities, there is an attitude of shared experience… ‘Even if we disagree, we are all in this together.’ Or ‘We’re being mistreated by this city’s governmental machine, but dammit, they’re our abusers.’ …a weird sense of loyalty, tradition, and honor that pervades, despite disagreement. Proximity to others is so constant that a mutually witnessed instance or even an observation is shared easily with a stranger, as if you have always just been mid-conversation, with everyone. Two connecting sentences shared on a train and then your day goes on as it was. I think a lot more about this that I’m not getting into now. I always feel alien here. Sarah is just showing me how to use that and maximize it.

A thing that’s interesting is that if you spread your natal chart out over a map of the world, a map is made of longitudinal lines that correspond to the planetary positions in your birth chart. So of course I did this, for North America first and then the world. And my Pluto line – Pluto, the planet of death and rebirth, transformations, loss, coercion, extremity, undoing – runs directly over Chicago. And, Portland is almost directly under my Jupiter line. Jupiter, which is the ruler of Sagittarius and planet of tolerance, knowledge, and expansion, purpose, morality, humor, and growth. It’s interesting that I pushed to move here, when the options were NYC, Philadelphia, Portland. All I knew was I wanted to live somewhere beautiful and green. More proximity to nature.

It explains *a lot*. And it explains partly why my Uranus opposition was so cataclysmic. (I’m not going to explain Uranus oppositions here, basically ages 39-42 or so are the Uranus opposition or mid-life crisis. Each one looks different depending on the individual. If you are way off your path, you are going to get set back on it one way or another. And if your aren’t far off and nothing significant changes, choices made in those years can set up your next decades for continued fulfillment or steady stagnation. It’s one of the major personal transits, like the Saturn return.)

It turns out that in North America, the place where the majority of my planetary lines meet is a town in Canada called Yellowknife (!<3). And if you don’t think I haven’t already checked out land and housing prices there, you don’t know me too well… Sarah wants to go visit with me. And to teach me more about dog sledding.


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