coping tools

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Obviously this is a primary coping tool: digging in with this most amazingly tender, funny, remarkable, and clever child. It’s the most fundamental place for me to go — to be in his world whether reading together or using chalk or exploring outside. It’s where I can feel certain that he is safe and thriving and well, versus the worry, preoccupation, and internal vigilance when we are apart. He’s an anchor that keeps me grounded. In turn I pray that I meet all of his needs, as he encounters them.

My favorite thing I’ve ever been is this child’s mother. My favorite thing I’ve ever done was to grow him from scratch, and that job perpetuates in parenting. I don’t take that for granted. It is a complete honor to mother him.

new moon scorpio & jupiter has a say

this album.
it makes me homesick. it sounds like it belongs to chicago in the cold.

if this year has been like crawling across trowel finished concrete with only broken fingernails for help, at least now it has a soundtrack. but jupiter in libra is a balm sinking in, and new moon for scorpio is like a pinhole projector during eclipse; a season to convene potent diction. i load my lap with Tsering Wangmo Dhompa, news on epigenetics, a toddler asking me to sing everything. i fold my hands to still doubt. touch my throat to change thoughts, practice being something that can sway. venus in sagittarius so soon.

new black moon

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A dear friend told me recently that when she heard Carolyn Forché speak, Carolyn said to ’empty the hands’ every day. Meaning, get thoughts out and words down so that the work that needs to come through has space to do so. This is just an emptying the hands post.

 

CW: discussion of alcohol and drinking and not drinking

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fragment

previously the end of a poem about worsening pneumonia, fever hallucinating, and existing in the inbetween. this doesn’t belong to that poem. i’m not sure where it belongs so it’s staying here for now. 

i was born on a pile of needles,

all fir green and mountain balm

i was born above fresh earth,

outside a town, a sleuth of bears

circling, i was born, and the bears

did raise me after

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julianna swaney. ❤︎

the greatest weekend / the best child. all goodness, all joy, all connected.

on the other hand, this is the weekend i put it together that Michael McDonald was in the Doobie Brothers. it explains so much…

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my favorite bouquet ever, from the greatest bouquet picker.