season of good work

January 19, 2018January 28, 2018 MKAster

I doubt I am the only person to get out of the car and upon seeing a small slug and a feather at my feet inhale an almost soundless exclamation, but I doubt there are many of us. It feels akin to finding a small personalized sign: ‘you’re on the damn right path okay now keep going.’

Nicely, randomly last week, I chanced upon a parliament of peacocks in someone’s front lawn and spilling in the street. It was pretty remarkable. There were many. I posted a photo and an old Portland resident said: Are those the ones that were ejected by the zoo? Huh, who knew? I don’t remember that story from 10 years ago, but apparently it was a thing. Chancing upon peacocks in your path is a pretty nice feeling.

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I’ve been thinking about, and rereading, work by CD Wright, John Beer (specifically Lucinda), and Ocean Vuong. I’ve been trying to prep myself to re-collect and edit the manuscript, and change the name. It turns out something savage is the name of Dan Savage’s ig account, which leaves: asking for it. But I’m adding the Richard poems, which makes something savage the most correctly right name. So idk.

Looking at the book this round makes me appreciate again how difficult it must be for bands with one or two breakout hits to only ever be widely known for those. How hard it is to keep interested in something you made and in many ways, aged out of. I love the poems, they are important, I know certainly there are people who need them, but working there always feels like dressing in a uniform from a job you had a long time ago. Maybe it’s a lesson that my editing process should be a lot faster.

So far this year I have a draft for a children’s book, the beginning of a short story (modern gothic / metaphor), two shitty poems, one okay poem, twelve really amazing vignettes received in mediation I have no idea what to do with, and one long, rambling piece that might eventually be its own chapbook? And, about six essays sitting here that just need to be finished. I always feel slightly guilty making new work when I haven’t buttoned up old work in earnest. So many unfinished pieces and projects feels like a lot of half-dressed, neglected children milling about, growing feral.

And, I started a buzzfeedesque list, ranking all of the Mrs Meyer’s Clean Day soaps in order from pleasingly ideal, to suffering misery. If Iowa Pine (and wtf, Iowa Pine? Is Iowa really known for their aromatic pine?? Sweet corn, perhaps) isn’t in your top three, we aren’t on speaking terms. (Think of the sniffing research I’ve had to do in the grocery store… apparently this is what retired wine professionals do with their benched abilities.)

It’s a good time to discuss work because Saturn is in Capricorn (for a while so get comfy!) and so is the Sun, and depending on your system of choice, Mercury or the Moon. Saturn in Capricorn is a good thing. Saturn rules Capricorn and they can be like partners at an ethical, white hat law firm, like Strang and Buting, working within the systems, rules, and boundaries to make great things happen.

The only way to think of this time is how strong everything we are creating right now might be. If we don’t quit, and if vision is held, for work, for ourselves, for our process, growth, and evolution.

Saturn can be like a slightly nicer version of Mr. Potter in It’s a Wonderful Life; all business suits, mothballs, and prune juice. You can see how when Saturn is visiting a sign that wants to enthuse, expand, seek, and laugh (cough, Sag cough), Saturn can be pretty miserable and dampen Sagittarius’ natural gifts. But, Capricorn Gets. Shit. Done. It plans, makes systems, builds, and takes intelligent steps towards the star Sagittarius identified and took aim at.

You can see how Saturn and Cap can get along peas-in-pod like. Capricorn: Let’s make a spreadsheet to inform our planning for this project. Saturn: Yes and add 8 more columns for really specific information that we may or may not need at some point. This is going to be the most thorough and successful lemonade stand, ever!

Capricorn accomplishes, creates strong foundations. The shadow side is, it can also excel at self-undoing — mire in the planning, self doubtful, fixed on past misses, mistrustful, exclusive. But together, Capricorn season lends us the clarity and focus for hard work, and Saturn’s presence provides paternal encouragement to parent ourselves, with love and a reminder to keep growing, actualize… slugs, feathers, and peacocks marking the path. What’s built now, during this new moon and Saturn’s transit, is of deepest foundations — built to endure.

The house where Capricorn resides in your natal chart is the area that will feel Saturn’s presence. This is my 10th house of career. I suspect there will be good, solid changes and strong foundations built, as long as I use the transit well, work hard, and don’t shy away from discomfort or change, seize opportunities and remember my worth. Or, if Capricorn is your 11th house, look to build strong, healthy friendships. Weed out what depletes or is not mutual. Overhaul and work toward your deepest hopes and dreams, update them for this point and definition of yourself.

If it’s your 5th house of romance, creative expression, pleasure, and joy, get ready to learn the lessons about strong foundations that feed these areas of life for the long run. The gifts of a well used Saturn transit are meaningful structure, self-control, healthy boundaries, useful rules, deeply fed growth. Basically, it’s like your dad or a dad-like-person just showed up, pointed to the area of your life Saturn is currently in and is like: ‘You need to clean all this up, and then make it great. Make me proud.’

And good news, astrologically there is a lot of emerald green ‘GO’ energy right now. A little work can go a looong way. No planets are retrograde (that changes in early March). It’s not totally uncommon for all planets to be progressing forward, but it is a valuable window for manifesting and making strides.

Additionally, the Chinese new year is just a month away. The year of the earth dog sounds so much better than last year – the year of the fire cock (rooster) 😐. Personally, my wood tiger does much, much better with dogs than roosters, and I’m hoping for overall more grounded, congenial, companionable energies, across the board.

When I read these transits, see the energy and nature of them and their equivalent in other natural manifestations, often the pressure to capitalize feels too intense. It’s the student in me. I want to get it “right.” But that’s not realistic. Work and school are satisfying to so many (and can be addictive) because it can be done “right;” accomplishment in a way that can be controlled. Perfected. But, that’s not nature or the natural world. And I suppose that’s where faith and joy come in — the spontaneity and vulnerability of being seen in our growing states, imperfect (and how perfect that can be). Showing up and being present and not knowing what comes next, but remaining available to it.

A bit on the new moon last night from vedic astrologer ayana astrology…

chiron direct

December 10, 2017June 14, 2025 MKAster

(Was I this insufferable when I was studying wine? Aesthetics of hunger? Buffy? Probably. Probably. It’s only thoughts on Chiron and recent astrology beyond this point, folks… )

Here we hang, Sun sitting in Scorpio still, at the edge of sidereal Sagittarius and feeling the last scrapes and thorns of the season. But Chiron just went direct after retrograde, and these sorts of shadows are deeper reflections than Scorpio alone tends to deal in.

Screenshot 2017-12-09 20.05.16 — I circled Chiron for you and its aspects. Generally, for the non-astro folk, red lines are difficult, blue more harmonic.

Chiron is the wounded healer asking us to heal ourselves, and its natal house placement indicates where our deepest personal wounds and painful narratives reside.

Even though Chiron went direct, it’s not having an easy time, with tough aspects to Sun, Mercury, and Saturn. And when Chiron goes direct, it seems to sort of grind in its lessons from the retrograde. (If you can’t parse what lessons Chiron tried to impart through the summer and fall, check your charts to see what houses Pisces and Aquarius occupy.) Retrograde started June 30th in Pisces. Chiron went back to Aquarius, and then went direct on Dec. 5th.

Chiron asks us to do the hard work to transcend our deepest pain and what we have come to believe about ourselves or our lives because of it. Even when you do the work Chiron dredges and presents, there’s more. And meanwhile, the fears we have about ourselves create deep neural patterns in our brains, scripts we play, sometimes on repeat. That’s what Chiron wants us to fix, the narrative that says, “I’m too ___________ to ever be / have ____________.” It’s also about the lies we tell ourselves, about ourselves — the fictions we’ve created and locked into that prevent us from growing, all born out of deep pain.

We are not meant to be static creatures. Like all living things we are meant to express natural cycles, and our environments. Whether we subscribe to faith, a greater creative force, or nothing at all, most people feel life is to be lived and encountered, and that there’s a path organically unfolding that we are to walk along.

We all know people in our lives who seem to be stalled or stuck in time, looking and being much the way they were at a certain point in their lives, unwilling or maybe afraid to change their views, and no longer growing with those around them. This is the extreme opposite of what Chiron asks us to do throughout our lives. It’s a sort of spiritual fingers in ears, head in the sand way of being in the world that causes us to never confront ourselves and our pain, and that can rule us if we let it. And when the fears and destructive narratives turn circles in our head, we simply fall to them, stuck, the same.

Chiron wants us to find all of the ways we have been lied to about ourselves and kindle old pains… how we prevent our own healing and growth and what beliefs we have about ourselves that prevent us from the wholeness we long for.

To have Chiron station direct during Scorpio season feels like a little extra salt in our wounds and pointing at the blackboard and saying, “This will be on the test.”

Be kind to yourselves and others — it’s the end of a tender season. Sun moves to Sagittarius on the 16th, followed by the new moon in Sag on the 18th. Use the courage, thoughtfulness, connectivity, and honesty Sagittarius provides to heal the cuts and stings Scorpio dealt, and to value the reflection of ourselves Chiron provided. We are worthy of love, we are worthy of our deepest wishes, we are worthy of the liberation gained in healing our pain and dismantling fears, even if we don’t feel it.

(Don’t forget that Mercury is retrograde so take extra care checking schedules and details and in communications with one another!)

solar eclipse in Leo

August 20, 2017September 5, 2017 MKAster

Eclipse+Cookie_rectangle — Eclipse baked good from Gem bakery

A strong thing happens when a subject really resonates with me or I feel it extremely deeply; I become paralyzed to talk about it. Or write about it. It’s like I feel too much and speaking about it or trying to communicate it (I fear) will only fall short, and thus kind of mar it somehow. Lessen it. So with some things I don’t even take the chance.

It’s that way with this eclipse. Maybe it’s because it’s hitting me personally (which I’m excited about… personal revolution is my jam), with my Sun and Mercury sitting in my natal chart at 4 degrees Sagittarius. Everyone is feeling this eclipse, but some people will be *really* feeling this eclipse. (see: the President. Scores of people have already written about his natal chart and the possible impact from the eclipse. ) And it’s not just for a day, the resonance for everyone has been long leading up to, and will last long after.

For themes that will be continuing / deciding themselves, playing out now and moving forward or ending, look back at your calendar / journal / emails from the end of February through March of this year, the most recent eclipse season.

The best I can offer are links to writings and postings that are deftly written and considered. Happy eclipse, all.

Steven Forrest – The Big August Eclipse

Chani Nicholas – How to Consider This Eclipse (thoughtful interview about how to think of an proactively utilize eclipses)

And, Chani’s weekly horoscopes. She doesn’t always resonate with me, but lately she’s been especially discerning

Julie Demboski – The Solar Eclipse in Leo

Phaedra Mitchell – August 2017 Horoscopes

Venus Rx + Merc Rx (+Jupiter Rx, Pluto Rx, and Saturn RX)

April 8, 2017February 20, 2018 MKAster

Part II: Regarding my last post, two friends asked: “…what are the traits of those retrogrades, how do they matter to me…?” I don’t know how much justice I can do to this topic, but here goes, K- & C-!

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Constellations. Howardena Pindell, 2015.

(This is a LOT of words that only talk about astrology, current planetary aspects, and issues in astrology. I’ve peppered in pictures to try and cleanse the palate now and again.)

crystalline green

February 23, 2017February 26, 2017 MKAster

A few friends recently asked how I’m using stones, so here you go, lovelies…

I’m not a pro over here. I don’t know how other people work with stones; I just follow my instincts. So here’s my system: each morning after I’m dressed and before I leave the house, I stand in the dark next to the china bowl in which they reside and hold up one at a time to my solar plexus. If my body leans forward (felt in the hips), I place it in a line to the right. If my body leans away, it goes into another line to the left, and if my body doesn’t move, the stone gets placed in a third line in the middle. (This process has gotten so there are also lines with more or less energies — body slightly leans away versus strongly away, hence the other two lines. Pardon wrinkly sheets.)

For this one (above and below on 2/9), when I had completed the process, I felt a little unclear so went back through the first two lines on the right to identify which were the very strongest and which wanted to be in combination with others. It turned out that the kunzite (light lilac shard) was the strongest. That went into my hand first. Then I went back through the other stones until I had a handful. This allows for combinations to meld and decide themselves.

Interpretations for each stone and how they conduct energy or what they can be used for can be found in books or online. I find these to be more or less useful, but I think it’s more important for a relationship to develop between stone and user. Some stones I can sense and feel really strongly, like aragonite, azurite, celestite, and moldavite (which I struggle to be in the same room with and it turns out this is fairly common) and others that feel muted and sort of blank to me.

But this one was a group that’s so much about softness, loving support, and grounding, with a bit of protection and bolstering faith. Emerald, morganite, kunzite, and carnelian (2 of them), along with rhodochrosite and amethyst. It’s one of the most love-oriented groupings I can see from my stones, sort of a love bomb. And that made sense. The 8th and 9th were good, but intense days of a lot of emotionally demarcating and moving forward. It was also the day after the anniversary of my cousin’s death; a perpetually tender spot on the calendar.

At the end of the identifying process, I turn on the light and gather all of the stones that my body leaned towards into a small fabric bag and into my pocket they go. This method allows the stones to choose themselves as energy to be of use that day, or what can aid or help; what I’m in need of. If a lot of the same stones popping up for days or weeks on end or the same color groups, that tells me that the corresponding energy center or theme needs significant attention or work (green = heart, blue = communication, etc.).

How woo is all of this? Partly to mid woo. Do I think stones are going to heal diseases? No. But I’ve always been more or less attuned to that which is numinous, especially when I was small. I find using stones sort of like: “Is a barometer going to change a weather pattern?” No. But it’s a useful tool. Ancestors have regularly appeared in my dreams, and my earliest memories in this life are my last ones from my most recent prior life. This was met in my family with eyerolls and minimization so I naturally learned to never speak of it. Then, giving birth heightened all of my senses. It overhauled my attunement, sorta like a low burner that was suddenly turned full up.

I think it stands to reason that as mothers gain heightened senses to protect and monitor their children — the heightened ability to smell, to detect illness or imbalance, and more sensitive hearing in order to hear your individual child’s cry and its meaning, all of the senses might become heightened.

This is about the extent of what I do with my stones. Sometimes I feel compelled to move one to a certain part of the house or I hold certain ones when I meditate, or sleep with some under my pillow. A lot of people program their stones, using specific intent to infuse each one, or grid them by using really elaborate patterns to concentrate one specific energy or intention. Perhaps at some point I will be drawn to that, but for now I’m content to skulk around gem shows, read, clean them under the full moon, and carry a pocketful each day. And, rocks and their formation are just pretty rad and fascinating.

Here is a stone pull from 2/4 that was a surprise. The night before I pulled these, in the place between awake and asleep, I was shown a roll of wide canary yellow satin ribbon, its spool encircling my spine. As I breathed in, the ribbon retracted, spooling back like it was coming back from far away. Only, it stopped at one point, caught on something far off. I tried to energetically yank it. I found a knot in it and untied it, but still it didn’t retract. I pulled these the next morning.

With the exception of the aragonite (sputniky one which H- picked out for me), smoky quartz heart, and the golden topaz (bright yellow one on left) these are rarely occurring for me. Because I pull these less and encounter them less, this one was harder to understand. In light of the yellow ribbon, what I gleaned from these is the renewed need for defined autonomy — I don’t take happily to my energy being caught elsewhere, especially when I haven’t mindfully given it. As autonomy and independence are generally strengths of mine, I realized it makes good sense that I rarely see yellow stones appearing, especially in any numbers. It’s not an area that generally needs bolstering.

The white (scolecite) and clear (apophyllite and silver topaz) suggest a self-sharpening; realigning intrinsic values and self integrity… sort of refocusing as well as redefining faith and connection (meditation, prayer, etc.). And also, reconstituting the fundamental, primary self. (I did a little meditation later to retrive the caught up ribbon.)

The bloodstone (green) was lending clarity – mental, emotional, and divine. It’s a stone that leaves me feeling not so alone in the world. It also lends balance and legibility to matters of the heart.

I hope this helps! xo

mars squares saturn / last quarter moon

January 20, 2017January 20, 2017 MKAster

1-19-2017

amazonite, turquoise, serpentine, melanite garnet, rhodochrosite, carnelian, amethyst, lepidolite, aventurine

these pulls (not the right word but I don’t know what is) are increasingly salient & intricate; a whole precise language.

(holy moly the rhodochrosite have a lot to say… showing up almost daily since the new year.)

January 17, 2017January 20, 2017 MKAster

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stone pull, 1/17/17.

serpentine, rhodochrosite, purple jade, petalite, carnelian, prehnite, morganite, aquamarine, golden topaz.

(edit edit: after cross-referencing and a lot more research, this sort of broad interpretation is correct, but obviously too simple. It’s like saying Shakespeare was prosodically gifted…

edit: this is urging the most care, connecting, tenderness, grounding, communication, and manifesting…)

notes for the new year

January 1, 2017January 3, 2017 MKAster

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12/20/2016 bloodstone, garnet, blue lace agate x2, chrysocolla, selenite (now I’m questioning whether this is apophylite), emerald, peridot, golden topaz, rhodochrosite, angelite, carnelian, kunzite

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1/1/2017 garnet, kunzite, angelite, rose qtz, morganite, prehnite, citrine, silver banded agate, topaz, aegirine in qtz, topaz, celestite, turquoise, lepidolite, carnelian, scolecite, rhodochrosite

repeating: garnet, topaz, angelite, kunzite, carnelian, rhodochrosite